I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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