i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
