he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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