I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im holly from the hills drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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