it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
