dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
