Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
