I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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