I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
