maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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