"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
