I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize