He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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