If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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