You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
