Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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