I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You need a sexual gate keeper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
