guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude i'm inner monologue high
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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