it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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