new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel great
I just peed on a car
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
