the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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