you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
