She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
