I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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