i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
