she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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