...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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