I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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