how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
