Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
