I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
