I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
