Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
