I cut my penus on the lid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
