I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
