Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."