I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson