ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
