But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
