I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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