can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
