Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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