from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
