watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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