you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
