im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
