Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
