just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
