you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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