Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
