there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
