I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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