mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
