I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
