Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
