The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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