I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
