its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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