Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
