I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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