hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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