drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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