Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
