Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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