3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
