Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
