my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
