Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
