These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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