I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
