This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
