apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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