i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
