JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
