my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
